Relationships often don't work out because something happens where trust is lost or compromised. Since it is one of the basic building blocks of a firm foundation, I wonder sometimes if trust is lost, can it ever be regained?Our minds seem to be a storage tank that holds all of our values, ideas, and opinions. Subconsciously we seem to be making decisions and opinions without even noticing the factors that our mind is using as a basis for these thoughts. So when there is an issue with trust, our mind goes over data that has been previously gathered to assess if this extension of trust (like credit) is high risk or low risk. We not only use our own personal experiences with the individual but also use the stored knowledge & opinions of how we notice that individual interacting with others to assess how trustworthy they are.
Because honesty can be subjective (if the other person doesn't know what's truth vs. A lie), its often a judgement call or moral choice to be honest. Many times its simply easier to lie. Telling the truth can open up a can of worms that can get you in much deeper (even if it is the right thing to do). It takes courage to tell the truth. The virtuous path is often the loneliest. A lot of my admiration & respect for my friends has come from their integrity & honesty. Over time, I noticed that when under pressure, they chose the truth. Because once its in your nature, you just are honest & forthright and because of that, people trust you. The ramifications of the truth become benefits.
You are only as good as your word. At the end of the day, when your mind is processing all of the information and looking back over the people you have encountered, you note the people who did what they said they would do. You trust the people who do this consistently. And if someone told just a small one, you may be able to look past it. If its a habit or they are known for telling whoppers, you may become leery of them and not even trust them with the truth when they are genuine.
I have a friend who is a compulsive liar. He lies about everything. Things that aren't even so important, he will lie about. He is a good person, and that is why he is still a friend, but even after 20 years, I still find myself doubting everything he says because I am constantly catching him in lies. We are not as close anymore because it is too much work to try to figure out if he is being dishonest or not. And I realized that because he is consistent with his story telling, it is only a matter of time before his lies have an impact on me. I wish that he realized that he did not have to lie to be a likable person. While he is thinking that those made up things make him an asset, I think it brings his property value down. It also makes him seem superficial and fake which outweighs the many good things about him. At this point, his reputation for being a liar proceeds him and I wouldn't trust him with the simplest things.
This same friend could have easily regained my trust simply by telling the truth. He could have started at anytime. I can tell you that if he could have made it a point to work through the discomfort he felt when being truthful, we could have begun to rebuild the trust in our friendship. I would never be able to forget all of the lies he has already told, but I could learn to forgive him. I've offered him this chance time and time again. As it stands, he still thinks there is nothing wrong and that his friendship should outweigh the lies. So I have given up. I have too many lessons that I am still learning in life to try to teach someone how to be a good friend to me.
In an essence, with a lot of hard work and love, trust that has been lost, can truly be regained. The key to rebuilding trust is that you have to begin with admitting that you were wrong. You must be willing to make restitution for what has happened. Don't expect to have a clean slate, but to have another chance. Work with the broken pieces and try to make it whole again. But just like anything that is broken, it may never be the same. Expect the person who was wronged to have their days where their faith may waiver. Don't let that discourage you. Just work harder and reassure them. In time, the doubts will subside. If not, you may need to re-evaluate the relationship and see if it can be saved. Ultimately you will find that if both parties can put forth an effort to fix it, (no matter how damaged it may seem) you can still make something very beautiful together.
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