Once Trust is Lost, Can it Ever Be Regained?

Relationships often don't work out because something happens where trust is lost or compromised. Since it is one of the basic building blocks of a firm foundation, I wonder sometimes if trust is lost, can it ever be regained?

Our minds seem to be a storage tank that holds all of our values, ideas, and opinions. Subconsciously we seem to be making decisions and opinions without even noticing the factors that our mind is using as a basis for these thoughts. So when there is an issue with trust, our mind goes over data that has been previously gathered to assess if this extension of trust (like credit) is high risk or low risk. We not only use our own personal experiences with the individual but also use the stored knowledge & opinions of how we notice that individual interacting with others to assess how trustworthy they are.

Because honesty can be subjective (if the other person doesn't know what's truth vs. A lie), its often a judgement call or moral choice to be honest. Many times its simply easier to lie. Telling the truth can open up a can of worms that can get you in much deeper (even if it is the right thing to do). It takes courage to tell the truth. The virtuous path is often the loneliest. A lot of my admiration & respect for my friends has come from their integrity & honesty. Over time, I noticed that when under pressure, they chose the truth. Because once its in your nature, you just are honest & forthright and because of that, people trust you. The ramifications of the truth become benefits.

You are only as good as your word. At the end of the day, when your mind is processing all of the information and looking back over the people you have encountered, you note the people who did what they said they would do. You trust the people who do this consistently. And if someone told just a small one, you may be able to look past it. If its a habit or they are known for telling whoppers, you may become leery of them and not even trust them with the truth when they are genuine.

I have a friend who is a compulsive liar. He lies about everything. Things that aren't even so important, he will lie about. He is a good person, and that is why he is still a friend, but even after 20 years, I still find myself doubting everything he says because I am constantly catching him in lies. We are not as close anymore because it is too much work to try to figure out if he is being dishonest or not. And I realized that because he is consistent with his story telling, it is only a matter of time before his lies have an impact on me. I wish that he realized that he did not have to lie to be a likable person. While he is thinking that those made up things make him an asset, I think it brings his property value down. It also makes him seem superficial and fake which outweighs the many good things about him. At this point, his reputation for being a liar proceeds him and I wouldn't trust him with the simplest things.

This same friend could have easily regained my trust simply by telling the truth. He could have started at anytime. I can tell you that if he could have made it a point to work through the discomfort he felt when being truthful, we could have begun to rebuild the trust in our friendship. I would never be able to forget all of the lies he has already told, but I could learn to forgive him. I've offered him this chance time and time again. As it stands, he still thinks there is nothing wrong and that his friendship should outweigh the lies. So I have given up. I have too many lessons that I am still learning in life to try to teach someone how to be a good friend to me.

In an essence, with a lot of hard work and love, trust that has been lost, can truly be regained. The key to rebuilding trust is that you have to begin with admitting that you were wrong. You must be willing to make restitution for what has happened. Don't expect to have a clean slate, but to have another chance. Work with the broken pieces and try to make it whole again. But just like anything that is broken, it may never be the same. Expect the person who was wronged to have their days where their faith may waiver. Don't let that discourage you. Just work harder and reassure them. In time, the doubts will subside. If not, you may need to re-evaluate the relationship and see if it can be saved. Ultimately you will find that if both parties can put forth an effort to fix it, (no matter how damaged it may seem) you can still make something very beautiful together.

How Many Consecutive Dates Can a Girl Have Before She is Deemed a "Hoe"?

I recently read an article about a famous singer going out on dates with a few famous men in the course of a week. She recently broke up with her ex, and many were surprised to see she was rebounding with some attractive suitors so soon. At the end of the story, there were posts from different readers who were advising her to space out her dates or risk being deemed a "hoe". I found this idea ridiculous for people who live in 2009. These were not the comments of baby boomers who were born in the 50's and 60's, but of young people who appeared to be in their early to mid 20's.

Since when does being seen with someone mean you are sleeping with them? Aren't people allowed to have friends of the opposite sex? And with all the girl has gone through, how can anyone deprive her of any example of decent gentleman or human affection that someone wants to bestow upon her? It always amazes me how in this day & age, people can be so judgemental of women playing the field when men do it all the time.

Being an attractive young woman, this young lady was probably sought after even when she was with her ex. In addtion to that she is famous & has the creme of the crop to choose from. Decisions, decisions...She would be a fool not to take advantage of what the world has to offer. And I say this to most women, and especially young girls: There are so many men out there, how else can you find out what you like or dislike if you have no experience with them? And for the record, I do not condone sleeping with men you are just dating. Once you start sleeping with them, it seems to cross the line from dating, to relationship no matter what the boundaries may be. But dating & getting to know different people is more than just fine--it's encouraged! Dating can be fun, and lets face it we all like to get our ego boosted back up after a bad breakup. My mother used to say the best cure for an old love is to find a new one.

Sometimes, I think that men say those things about women because they like to think that women can only focus on one man at a time. Or they like the idea of a woman growing old as a chaste spinster pining away for her lost love, than to see her so openly moving on and recovering. And then of course there is jealousy at the woman's many options, and maybe even possible that he is jealous that he has no chance to be an option. But men have been calling us sluts and whores for reasons other than our sexual choices for centuries. But What puzzles me the most is the number of women who say this about other women. If she is not sleeping with them, how can she be a hoe? And as a woman, you should be able to identify with this more than men. I think it's more jealousy than outdated values that move women to say such things. Jealousy at the options that they wish they had...youth or beauty that they don't have. That and the parrot syndrome...when women just say things in agreement with men to gain their favor.

In an essence: she shouldn't have to go around clarifying if she is sleeping with them either. Even if she wanted to be a straight up gutter butt stank hoe, as long as she isn't hurting anyone or spreading any diseases, we should care less how many dates someone goes on. I could only hope that they are doing whatever it takes to be happy in their life. Hell, we should all be focused on our own personal lives! Most need work. Because ultimately, minding someone else's business means you surely aren't minding your own as much as you should be. Live and let live.