I have had more times than I can count where I am on a date with a guy, and something happens where some threshold is crossed, or some boundary is overstepped, and I have an overwhelming desire to just bolt. In my mind, its the selfish thought of wondering why I should waste another moment on something that seems like its not going to work out. It's also an idiotic thought because at times, I know I haven't had sufficient time to make that type of judgement. Hell I get tired. Some days I don't even want to make the effort to go on these dates. Give me a good book, and some take-out and I can have a wonderful night at home in sweat pants!Remembering my ultimate goal (to leave no stone unturned) will help me to keep going. And if I am going to make the effort, I may as well be fair about it. My guilty conscience has gotten the better of me, and I don't want to skip out on someone who has taken the time to show up. So I've resolved not bolt in the middle of a date anymore. (I must admit that I am getting a flashback to the nose picker and hoping that scenario doesn't happen again under this new rule) Even though I felt that it was necessary in some of the previous circumstances, I am resolving to be fair. I want to make a conscious effort to evaluate the pros and cons of if we are compatible before I just up and leave without ever looking back or taking their call again. (This rule does not apply if I feel I am in danger or if they have a disgusting habit that makes me nauseous.)
With this new way of thinking, I have tried to prepare myself for what I will do instead of bolting when a date is heading for disaster. I have it in my mind to check my attitude if I hear or feel myself getting annoyed. I will curb my tongue if I think I may say something crude because of being annoyed. I will ask an open ended question and let speak until he runs out of steam. (He could either redeem or hang himself with this) I will excuse myself and go powder my nose to give us both a chance to regroup. I will try to remember that this is awkward for most people, and as an experienced dater, I should be gracious and welcoming. From one human being to another, I must show the same consideration that I'd like to be shown to me. Why stop someone before they begin? And why leave them with no reason as to what went wrong? Out of common courtesy, I will give a fair chance and resolve to make my decision at the end of the date.
So here I am with my new plan. We will see how well this works out...But I believe that being self aware of this ongoing habit has helped me to keep the remedy close at hand. I may have to work a little harder to form a new habit, but I think I am going in the right direction. I am hoping that my intolerance or impatience hasn't caused me to give up too soon on a guy that I may have really enjoyed, but if that is so I am changing the game now. Another lesson learned.
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