Last night I had a big argument with my ex. The argument isn't the bone of contention to me, it's the fact that it all took place via text that makes me mad. Text messaging has become a whole new way to communicate. I use it to check on my kids, make plans with my friends, and send notes to various people throughout the course of my day. I've come to depend on texting as a form of communication, but it seems to be exceeding its positive use.My ex boyfriend and I had an almost completely textual relationship. It started off because we would be working and unable to speak freely. Then it became a way that we'd plan our evenings & weekends, and also a way to have some sexy conversations. This was ok at first but it got to the point where we would have complete conversations about any & everything via text. After we started having fights via text, I began to wonder why we both refused to dial the number and have an actual conversation.
In my case, I got pissed that when I called him, he never answered the phone. He'd miss the call by seconds and then I'd do the same thing. I hated playing phone tag. My consistent texting was also meant to be punishment to him for not being available when I needed him. In my mind, he should not have the pleasure of my voice if he can't be there when I call. When he'd call me back, I'd sometimes stare at the call and let it roll to voicemail so he knew how it felt.
As the relationship went downhill, we used the texting to communicate even when we were with other people. I still don't know why we shared the inclination to communicate when we were with others, but we did it quite often. We used texting to fight & to make up. We had some of the most honest conversations via text. We have also said some very hurtful things as well. The worst thing about it is that he saved those texts and would quote me verbatim on what I said and what day I said it on.
In his case, I think that he had a problem with having those awkward conversations that couples have, and took the coward's way out. Hell nobody wants to disagree or have an angry conversation. But by texting, he didn't have to see my emotions, or show me his. He was able to put up a facade that would not be possible in a conversation. You can hear emotion. And that emotion can affect your impression. By texting, we were both able to take the emotion out of the conversation. Sometimes, that can be good, but in a relationship-not so good. Texting allows you to communicate your thought without hearing or even caring what the other person's response will be. I still don't think he realizes how texting diminished his points because I couldn't see his vulnerability or the emotion behind his words. He often said that I should "know" how he felt but it was difficult. I've come to resent the texting, and have tried cutting him off with one word replies only to receive up to 18 at once. To me, it would have been quicker to just dial the number and say those few lines to me directly, but to him, he is still saving face.
Along with this, you hear about young kids sending pornography and dirty notes to one another. You hear about the city officials who were sending sexy texts to one another and getting caught. There are many stories about how texting has been taken too far, and the numbers are steadily increasing. This form of communication can be abused like any other form. I heard Martha Stewart say she was concerned that people would forget how to spell because of texting, but I am afraid that people will forget how to relate and have real conversations.
Although I still love texting, and value it as a feature of my communication device, I don't use it as a crutch anymore. I try to make an effort to just dial. I like to have that personal connection with someone. I don't want to diminish my communication by making the recipient feel as though I don't really care what their response is. I want people to value my contact with them. I also want them to feel valued. If I see the banter going too far, or going on too long. I just stop it & dial. No more hiding behind my keypad. Having conversations are not that difficult, and I like being connected on the human level.
Posts
