I have a friend who ventured out on a date for the first time in a long time. I was actually surprised when I asked her what she was doing & she responded "getting ready for a date". I congratulated her but she sent a text back saying "I should stay home". I encouraged her to go if only for practice. She took my advice and ventured out.
I called her the next day to ask her how it went and here is how the story goes:
He asked her to pick him up. He lives totally across town, but she did it. Once he got into the car, he wanted to go back across town to the movies. He complained when gas was mentioned, but paid at the pump a whole $10 to put into her SUV! They proceeded to the movies and ended up at a $1 show! She almost fell asleep in the movies except and her son was bored too. She fought the urge to leave him at the movies but as she dropped him off, he asked if she could stop by a fast food restaurant to get him something to eat".
After all of this, all that I could say is that she was right...she should've stayed home. I say this because she would have had a better time, but in all truth I believe it was set up to fail. I realized there were several elements in play that made that date a disaster. And I was left wondering if planning ahead and hearing what someone has in store for you before you go on the date may prevent that awful waste of her time that we often feel after those terrible dates? I think it certainly would have helped in this case. I'm no expert, but I've dated a lot, and I still have my fair share. I've learned to listen for cues and not be shy to ask direct questions about the quality of the date I am going on. Here are some thoughts I had about her date...
#1. It's ok to pick a guy up but he should be forthcoming with the gas money. If he's not, that indicates stinginess & selfishness because he's already requiring you to go out of your way with him giving very little. This was foreshadowing for the $1 movie...
#2. Never go to a movie on the first date. The movies are very intimate. Even if it's staying in & watching movies, I say don't do it. Movies are for established relationships. They are for snuggling and unless you are ready to snuggle with the guy, its a bad idea. Besides that, choosing the movie can cause a knock down drag out fight amongst the strongest of relationships, so it's not a good idea to risk it in the beginning.
#3. I know that many of us have children out here, but we can't take them on the first date. Our children are lovable and certainly should be apart of any serious relationship that we may enter into, but the first date is to see if you even want to be bothered any further with the guy. Why torture the kid too? Besides that, they can distract us from focusing on the guy. I had to wonder if my friend brought her kid so she wouldn't have to focus on her date...
#4. Lastly, if after all of this, he not only doesn't offer you dinner, but wants you to take him to the drive through to satisfy his hunger, you know he is not right. This is a man who is only thinking of himself. He has no tact or consideration. If he did not have the funds to take you on a proper date, he should have stayed home too. He clearly has bigger issues than asking someone on a date and he should know better.
What I find so funny about all of this is that this man ended up calling afterward. He had no indication that the date didn't go so well, and is looking to put my friend through more of the same. Poor baby girl! This leads me to...
#5. After a date like that, you have to laugh about it. Don't be hard on yourself. Just look at the experience and use it to learn about what your likes/dislikes & expectations are. And be honest with yourself because if you really don't like the guy, its unlikely he's going to change your opinion. Besides that, forcing yourself to go is further indication that your heart isn't in it. This certainly calls for a girls night out. Go out & have a good time with your girls! At least your girlfriends will buy you dinner & drinks & dance with you until you pass out laughing because when you really think about it, dating can be really funny.
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