Being an experienced dater, I've learned that there are some things that can be overlooked, but also some things that one can not be flexible on. Because I try to be as honest & upfront with what I am looking for, any misrepresentation (lieing) is grounds for me moving on. Why start off with deceit? And any person that knows what your looking for, and knows they don't fit the bill but still tries to persuade you into dating them is a control freak and obviously does not respect your stance. This can also be a prelude of other issues down the line so I just move on.I've tried not to carry too much baggage with me when looking for Mr. Right, and have been able to put some of the unrealistic expectations to the side when evaluating if he is the right guy for me. Some women are hung up on feet, fingernails, height, teeth, income, automobile, status, and other things. I like to think I am not superficial or shallow, but there are some things that bother me so much, that I just can't be bothered. I'm not one of those people with hangups but I do have limits on what I will tolerate.
I read a study that said that women had a tenancy to be more forgiving when it came to personal flaws in the opposite sex. After setting up profiles on dating internet sites, dates were set up for them to meet in person. The variable of this study was that the person who showed up in person looked completely different from the person displayed in the profile. When the women showed up looking for a tall, handsome man, they were met with a shorter, more everyday guy. Although the men were obviously different than what they portrayed online, and even when the women weren't attracted to the man at all, they continued on with the dates to be polite. On the other hand, when the men approached and saw that the women weren't who they portrayed themselves to be online, they weren't as cordial. One man became very irate, and the other decided not to even come in after sneaking a peak at his date from outside.
What is it in women that makes us so forgiving? We are promised tall, dark, & handsome, and wind up with short, bald, and pudgy and are ok with it? And even if we aren't ok with it, we are polite, and humor the guy so as not to hurt his feelings. Some men, can easily cut their losses and move on without any hesitation. I've taken a lesson from their book because this is my life, my experience, and it is not about charity. And I'd like to think that men would prefer you skip the politeness if you have no genuine interest in them. But sometimes they will try to plead some sort of case as to why you are wrong. I've heard so many stories about how women were abducted, assaulted or worse because in an awkward situation where they already knew something wasn't right, they just didn't want to be perceived as being mean or a bitch about it. You have to know yourself before you go out there because people will try to sway you & you end up with their needs being met and yours are still hanging in the balance. I'm not saying to go around hurting people's feelings, or being judgemental. I am saying that when it isn't right, go with your gut & don't be afraid to keep it moving. You will never get what we want if you allow someone else to dictate what that is for you.
I know that in my search, I could have settled many times. And sometimes, I did. But when I settled, I found myself miserable and unhappy and wondering why I chose not follow my first inclination. There is criteria that is pertinent to one's happiness that can only be defined by each individual. It's not the same for everybody. No other person can tell you what you should or should not like. It's a fine balance of being fair, and also being aware of what matters to you most--what you can deal with, and what you absolutely can not.
The single life can be a long hard road that seems to be going nowhere sometimes. You look around and there are so many people coupled up and making it look so easy, but don't let that coax you into settling. Although some people are happy within their respective relationships, many are unhappy and settling for some straight up bs. The deal that they have going may look like its working for them, but fail to meet the expectations and standards you have set for your relationships. I've had many of my attached friends say things like "he will come", and "don't worry" as if I am disheartened or sad about being single. On the contrary, even though I respond with a simple "I know he is coming", I smile inside because I know that I am a good catch, I'm a fair person, and I am living life on my terms without compromising any of my values, beliefs or goals for what I want my relationship to be in order to be hitched up with somebody. I know what I want and how to go about getting it. My Mr. Right will be the right one for me. He will be my jackpot! We will not feel the need to change one another. We will compliment each other, and work together. I've seen wonderful examples of really solid relationships, and they are my inspiration. Not the ones who are living a facade of a life. I'd much rather be a serial dater than a woman who has settled for less than I deserve on any level.
Back in the day, or in other cultures I may not have had the choice to hold out. Its a wonderful thing to be single. To have options...Knowing myself and what my deal breakers are has allowed me to go out & date the types of men I like, and enjoy myself in the process. Good dates or bad dates, my faith never waivers. I am confident that I will know him when I meet him, and because of what I've been through finding him, I will appreciate him all the more. The journey needn't be weary & hard. It can be fun and exciting, and full of laughs. I don't sweat the small stuff, or try to force myself into a shoe that doesn't fit me...I just keep shopping & when you are in your favorite stores, shopping really is not so bad at all.
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