When I told this story to one of my friends, I wasn't surprised that she also had the same experience. I've discussed it before, but the deterioration of the quality of men these days is almost sinful. What led to this conversation was this: I met a very nice guy. He had manners, a good job, was handsome--the works! We'd met up a few times but had never really had a date. We spoke over the phone frequently but somehow avoided making any real plans. One night we were on the phone and I mentioned I was making dinner. We had been on the phone for 30 minutes or so, and he never mentioned a desire to make plans with me that night. But after I told him I was cooking, he wanted to come over?
As I mentioned, he is a nice guy. But may I also mention that after meeting up with him a few times and noticing that he didn't offer to pay for my drinks or open my car door I was turned off. He didn't make me feel like a lady. He made me feel like he was just a male buddy. See, what I am attracted to in a man, is his manliness. There are distinct behaviors that make men masculine in the same way that there are distinct behaviors that make women feminine. I am not attracted to men who takes shortcuts. Nothing personal, but its like a switch just turns off inside. We all know that there are many women who do not expect much and to which shortcuts are just fine. That just is not my preference. The men in my life treat women like women. My father, brothers, cousins, son, and grandfather are all that way. And let me add that when they are around, I was taught to treat them like men. Happy to be a dutiful host, serve them and care for them as the woman in their life should.
Back to the mooch...so this guy who I have already established in my mind I am no longer attracted to wants to come over and eat! Not only am I wondering why he thinks that now would be the time for him to come to my home, but also why does he think I would want to share my food with him? When he has made it clear that he isn't going to go out of his way, why does he think I would go out of mine? And after he asks, he mentions us snuggling up on my couch (btw which turned my stomach). So in addition to me feeding him, he also wants to "cuddle"? Would somebody please get these men off the streets please? They are killing me!
Look, I understand that there is a shortage of men out there. But we do not have to settle for this type of behavior! His credentials don't make him exempt from the criteria of having manners and not using women. Why have we dropped the qualification that our men treat us like ladies? Yes, we can make it on our own. Yes, we may have to be tough in the world to make it, but at the end of the day, most women want to be treated like a woman by their men. And that does not mean take care of her man while he does nothing for her! Nothing turns me off faster than a man who wants the world but doesn't want to give anything. I always said it doesn't matter how rich or poor people are. What matters is their generosity and sincerity. And when we pay attention, we can determine this very early into our relationships.
What this guy didn't know when he asked me that question was that he was hammering the last nail into his coffin. We couldn't even be friends. It was obvious that he was looking for a one-sided relationship-and not in my favor. There were too many indications that this was a dis functional relationship waiting to happen. I appreciated knowing what to look for so as to see chumps like him a mile away so that I know when to cross the street.
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