Looking back at my very first kiss, I laugh at how awkward it was. The boy that I liked so very much had written me a note asking me if I would be his girlfriend: yes or no. I responded and we proceeded to go together. Of course in fourth grade, all this meant was that when we had the chance we would sit together, and he would buy me candy. We spoke more before we became boyfriend/girlfriend than afterward. I can recall this being my first time being "attracted" to the opposite sex.It seems as if we spoke to each other more before we became boyfriend/girlfriend than afterward. I don't know what happened, but it was as if neither of us knew what to do next, and it scared us. But we wrote our love notes and decided the next step was to kiss. And I could not wait. I sat in my room fantasizing about us kissing and holding hands, taking walks and being in love...I remember looking out my bedroom window thinking, thinking, thinking...
Let me explain also that I went to a Roman Catholic Elementary School. The nuns at St. Marys made prison guards look like girl scouts. Although never one to get out of line, I can honestly say that I've been swatted by them plenty of times. So we knew we could not get caught doing it at school. Between the nuns and my father who didn't even allow me to have boys as friends, my life would be over. So, I begged my parents to allow me to catch the bus home and asked my Bo to walk me to the bus.
I was so excited until I realized I didn't know what to do. What kind of kiss was he talking about? I started going crazy wondering how I agreed to this whole thing without more details! Dam him! That note was too simple! I needed more information about this and there was no time. My stomach was doing somersaults and the time seemed to be speeding up by the minute. I was so nervous and scared, it was like I was challenged to fight a boy after school-not kiss him!
We got all the way to the bus stop. He looked at me, but I could not look at him. I saw the bus approaching in the distance and was so glad this was all about to be over. When the bus stopped in front of me, I finally looked at him. He smiled at me almost as if to say, not to worry. He didn't even come toward me as I walked up to the bus. And just like that, I was not afraid. I turned and went toward him, and planted one dead on his surprised lips. I let the kiss linger on my lips for a few seconds and turned on my heel and stepped onto that bus a woman!
My first kiss had almost turned into a disaster. I over-thought the situation and turned it into something bigger than life. I almost deprived myself of all of the pleasure that I was originally excited by. But when the time came, I had to make a choice. This was my first time choosing love over fear. It was good practice. And I am glad that I started early because it surely would not be my last!
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