I pose this question because I used to think it was possible for men & women to have close platonic friendships, but as time goes by I'm learning that it may not be a true possibility. A woman can size up if she is attracted to a guy within the first meeting. First she sizes up the physical upon approach. She assesses his words, mannerisms, and hygiene right away. Most often times, if he is attractive to her, and all of those things meet her approval, she will make the mental note that he has the green light. From what men have told me, the rules aren't as rigid. He can decide from across the room. And sometimes, even if he doesn't feel attracted to her, if she hangs around long enough she can win him over.So lets say that the woman decides the man does not meet her standards, and for whatever reason, she is not attracted to him. Instead of being rude, or shooting him down right away, and if they have something in common, she will at least try to make a friend. Even though in her mind there isn't any chance, the guy looks at it as if there is still a possibility so he will agree to be just a close personal friend...
In one case that I've seen, the two were friends for years. After the guy (seemingly) got over the fact that she was going to keep saying no, he tried communicating with her on a "just friends" level. Although she was fine with it, she noticed that he still made flirty remarks, and often ogled her to the point it made her uncomfortable. When she confronted him, he apologized and said he would try to keep it together. Yet and still, when they would go out for drinks, he was always there buy her more drinks than she needed and still flirting. Always aware of her lack of attraction, and his hidden attraction, she became leery of him. Because of her distrust of him, she ended the friendship. It didn't seem to her as if the friendship was coming from the right place, and deep down she knew if she didn't trust him, he wasn't really her friend.
In another case, the woman's boyfriend had a friend who always hung around. They often went on double dates together and had lots of fun. After many years, the relationship broke up but the friend always kept in touch. One night they decided to go out together and have fun, and she was very surprised when he made a pass at her. What men fail to understand about the "friend" word is that it is almost the equivalent of another girlfriend, or a brother. Once you are in that category, there is very little that can be done to change your status if she is not attracted to you. And the more you try to persuade a woman of this, the more you come off as the incestuous cousin that doesn't understand cross breeding. His feelings were really hurt that she rejected him, but what was really perplexing to her was that she never gave any indication that she was the slightest bit attracted to him. He was simply going on the fact that he had NOT been rejected so far and took that as encouragement.
**Lets not confuse this with the term "friend with benefits". In this type of relationship there is a mutual attraction, but other reasons they can't make it work.**
So, based on my experience and what I've seen I do not believe that men & women can be close platonic friends unless they are totally not attracted to each other. And of course nobody wants to hear that someone is not attracted to them, but at least when you have that out in the open, you know where you stand. And if there is any sort of attraction, you have to wonder what the friendship is based on and what it's leading up to and deal with that. Because it is leading to something, and it probably won't go away on its own. People will wait it out if they think they have a chance somewhere down the line and use that friendship as a pretense for their way in. So the key is just being honest with yourself & your friend about if you are attracted or not. This way no body's feelings are hurt and no real friendships are lost.
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