I ran into an ex recently, and had a very informative conversation. We took a very unexpected trip down memory lane and I am always amazed to hear how different his memories are than mine. He disclosed to me that there was something that he always found intriguing about me, but never was able to express. I sat back & listened to him and found myself wondering how in the world I managed to get into this...I listened as he carefully explained to me that one of the things he liked most about me was my scent. Explaining how it was consistent, and always alluring his face totally lit up. He even tried to describe the combination of scents as if he was trying to figure out a recipe. Since we spent lots of time together, it was no surprise that he was aware of the products I used daily such as soaps, lotions, perfumes, etc. When he went so far as to tell me that he has even suggested those products to his current girlfriend, it got weird. How do you attempt to decipher some one's scent, and then go so far to give that compilation to someone else in hopes they will smell the same way?
I have struggled with how to put this story into words from the time he told it to me. I truly think his intent was that this information come off as a compliment. However, I can not help but find myself offended that I could be reduced to fragrance. I have so many other real talents & gifts that he could have mentioned & appreciated. But this secret seemed to be the one he held closest to his heart (or at least his vest). Although I did not share his enthusiasm, I did not admonish his statements. I wanted to first address what was most concerning to me & get to the bottom of why this was so disturbing. This isn't like buying two women the same perfume. It seems more calculated than that. I have read articles about how people associate scents with feelings and memories. He clearly looks back at our time together very fondly, but this is going too far. I've never understood men who would give two women the same gift. No imagination. No creativity. Not that those things are synonymous with a person who'd be involved with two people at once anyway, but I still expect more. I'd like to think that every person has developed a system that works for them. What really bothers me is the fact that if he isn't happy with what she already has, why give her anything that he would associate with me?
I began by acknowledging what he said. I told him that I was flattered, and also understood wanting to capture some of the qualities you like the best in the people you date. I even admit to doing it at times. Usually there are a few similarities that you would find in each of my relationships, but I never tried to duplicate anyone. I also informed him that I found it a little "Single White Female" ish...I asked him to consider role reversal scenario where I asked how he would feel if I had done that to him. I also pointed out to him that you can't duplicate a person's qualities no matter how hard you try. Whatever comes with a person (including their scent), you need to learn how to deal with it, or leave them alone. The sentiment itself is disturbing enough, but when you combine it with that level of deceit, it seems almost psychotic. I had never deemed him as being crazy, but the thought of him sniffing his girl & thinking of me gave me the creeps...
They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery. Maybe I should just take it as a compliment and not give his silliness another thought. I know that fundamentally, he could not mold another woman into being me. There is no knockoff version of another person. I just wonder how he came up with the idea and then found the nerve to execute it. But the funniest thing about the whole situation was how a conversation that was meant to be a merry trip down memory lane turned into a totally weird moment & reminded me of why my ex is in deed, my ex. I can not be duplicated.
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